Holidays

How ecstatic am I?

Pretty damn ecstatic.

Best fucking day today, had only like 3 hours of school - then drama eistedfood where scored Highly Commended, remembered all my lines - didn't speak too fast. Then after that went to the movies with a bunch of friends, caught a glimpse at the new candy store (A.K.A. my future workplace) an had the entire mall to ourselves cause it was nighttime and only open because the movies.

Damned "24 Hour Burger King" is no longer open 24 hours a day, what is this shit?

Luckily 7/11 was there to save the day.

It wasn't even the first day of the holidays, but if this is what it's going to be like then I welcome them with open arms.

Hell, right now I feel like dropping out of school - dragging all my friends out with me and just having fun with them.

How can people judge drop-outs so harshly, just because they're not living the way that they're expected to. Who ever said the common way to do life was the right way?

There's this quote I absolutely adore but I don't know where it's from

"Go to work, send your kids to school, follow fashion, act normal - walk on the pavements, watch T.V., save for your old age, obey the law. Repeat after me: I am free."

And it's so true, we say we are free yet we confine to the norms of society so much its frustrating. We abide by the unwritten rules of mankind so that we don't get shunned, but by doing so we are shunning ourselves.

It really pisses me off when people tell you to shut up in shopping malls because you're too loud, for fucks sake. In the food court (where everything's loud and hustle and bustle) I was with my friends talking (I have a naturally projected voice haha) this lady turned around in her chair and told me to shut up because she was trying to read.

And I was so shocked I didn't say anything.

But loking back on it I wish I had turned around in my chair and told her to go shove her book up her arse, and if she wanted to read in a quiet place how about not near a bunch of rowdy teenagers?

Bitch.

Rararara, I started this blog off in such a good mood and look now, ha.

Blogging always brings out my negative side, *shakes head sadly*, eh well I best be off.

Oh, reverting back to good mood - holidays; fucking ownage.

don't die in me, please.

Isn't it funny in order to avoid heartbreak we break our own? No, no, I guess it's not.

What I do find funny is people that post their entire life's story on myspace, (literally - one of my myspace "friends" have a scroll box with the heading "MY STORY" and prompted to go through in thorough detail the trials and tribulations of her family, friends and romantic lives).
I admit I read it, and no I didn't comment on it.

And my first reaction was wow I had no idea she had all that stuff happen to her, but another part of me thought that I don't deserve to know that stuff. I've barely talked to the girl, in no way have I earnt her trust to know every detail of her life.

But she shared it, it's her right - right?
I find it odd, because so many people on our mutual friends lists are utter assholes that will point and laugh at her pain, exploit it and manipulate it around.

But I mean it's not like she can be blackmailed for it when she's sharing it with everybody. But it made me think, are secrets truly best kept to ones self - even when they are such personal things?
Maybe if everybody was open about everything and nobody had a problem sharing everything with everyone then we could get over some hurdles humankind is yet to jump?

Then I thought I didn't really care much and just looked up some more Mirah song's on myspace music because she's my current obsession.
I know I'm not going to share everything with everyone, hell no one I even know knows I have a blog here. Sometimes it's easier to just vent to empty space, where people may be standing or they may not be standing.


I wonder if anybody reads this.

Can I feel it?

I give up before I can be given up on.

It's the truth, as much as I try to deny it to myself I know that that's how it is. So the fact is that, that combined with my paranoia means I often hurt myself more than others hurt me.

Because I say to myself that I can see it coming, that it's there on the horizon - fastly approaching, why not jump out now instead of having the head on collision.

Sometimes you just need to save yourself...
right?

I don't even know anymore, I don't know anything anymore.

I never got your name, I assume you're 17.

"The only problem with going to bed is if you wake up in the morning."
-Today Will Be Better I Swear; Stars

It was the most vivid dream I'd ever experienced, I was myself - but different. I had longer hair and rosier cheeks, I think it was how I wished I was; wished I am now. And I turned around and down the hill there you were, walking down the hill.

I never caught your name, or if I did it was one of the only things I forgot. Typical me, forgetting the headline. I assumed you were 17, that's how you looked and that's how I felt. You had short brown hair and green eyes, I had left home - you had been on the streets for 9 months or so now.
I couldn't even tell.

You grabbed my hand and led me home, not to the house with the painted creme concrete, but your home - the home inside your heart. I moved in right away, I think I fit in there. You definitely made it feel like it.

Your face, it's permanently imprinted into my mind, frozen perfectly. I never touched you, but in my mind you felt so right. When I awoke I didn't know if I'd ever see you again, I went to sleep the night after hoping but you didn't show, and I waited - and now I still wait.

I didn't get your name, so I made one for you - Darren.
It doesn't suit you as much as I'd hoped, but it's the closest I got.
Maybe I can dream you again some time, and catch your real name.

Or maybe I can actually meet you, even now I actually look for you. I turn around and face the hill, make sure you're not coming down there in your homemade sock.